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Excuse me? A zeeno-what-a-strobe? Yeah, thats right, you heard me. Xenoglossophobe. Someone who has xenoglossophobia – a fear of foreign languages. It’s a word made up by hoity-toity geeks to intimidate people who only speak one language.
Well, we’ve had enough of that. Let’s de-criminalize that word. Xenoglossophobes of the world unite! Stand up and be proud! Let’s share and spread our ignorance far and wide.
Things to do to be a better xenoglossophobe:
- Rule Number One – Don’t learn any language besides English. In fact, don’t learn that one very well either. Unless you’re a professor, you don’t need to speak English that well. And there’s always the
danger that you’ll become hoity-toity too. Don’t waste the time, money and effort getting a
meaningless education. - Put down people who speak other languages. They’re foreigners, traitors, liberal intellectuals, stupid, or just plain weird.
- Never associate with people from other countries. If they sound like they came from somewhere else, their bad habits and inferior culture will just rub off on you.
- Make fun of people with accents. Where did they learn to speak English so badly, anyway?
- Make fun of people who can’t speak English at all. What? No speaka de Inglish?
- Flush any words of foreign origin out of your vocabulary. Never say faux pas, zeitgeist, or gung ho. You don’t want words like this creeping in when there is a perfectly good English word for it.
- Don’t watch any foreign movies. Foreign films are notorious for not having special effects. Without
special effects, they’ll just add too much ‘story’ and ‘plot.’ Who wants to see that in a movie? - Don’t listen to any of that jungle-drug-music or some stupid opera. Just listen to some good old fashioned American music like Neil Young or the Rolling Stones.
- Don’t read any books in a foreign language. If the idea was any good, it would have been written in
English.
You get the idea. You now have the tools to become a better xenoglossophobe. Repeat the mantra of One Language – One English and share it with others. Once we have them all speaking English, we’ll work on simplifying that down to just Basic English. But, let’s take this one step at a time.
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